Sadness, grief and tragedies

Sometimes things happen and it grabs you and makes you think. Why here? Why now? Why him?

Over the holiday one of A & S's classmates died inexplicably in his sleep. No apparent foul play. Simply went to bed, never to awaken. 15 years old. Gone....

Along with this tragedy comes the "usual" pain and sadness. Sadness for the parents, living a grief I cannot fathom and hope never to experience, ever. Sadness for the family, forever missing a vital piece of itself.

Sadness for the life that wasn't. Sadness for the friends who are hurting. Sadness for the people who never had a chance to be his friend.

And then the "thankfuls." Thankful he was, as is told, a faithful Christian. In my beliefs, I see him enjoying his everlasting reward. No, I cannot know. No, I do not judge. but I am hopeful. And after hearing stories from his priest and teachers today, I am touched by the deep, profound faith this young man had. And a bit ashamed at my own failures in this area.

Then the unusual side to this grief and pain - for those who knew him yet did not like him. For those who knew him and were not his friends. For those who carry guilt for that. Life is full of opportunities. Opportunities to know people, to share ideas, to love and be loved. Yet we all know that we will not like everyone. We will not love everyone, even those we truly want to love. So where does that leave us? Random acts of kindness? That's one idea. Planned acts of kindness? Certainly another. Human decency even when it's only one way? of course, but easier said than done.

And on a personal note, the challenge of helping my kids through this new experience - knowing when to be there, when to let them be alone. When to talk, when to listen, when to sit silently. And when it is time to talk? Praying for the wisdom to reach them - to help them through this a stronger person, with a stronger center, a focus perhaps that wasn't there before.

Today, we went to the funeral "together." The kids peeled off and went to be with friends, as did most of the kids. I think just about the entire school was there. They put most of the kids in the basement of the church with a live video feed. Carl was a member of the JROTC program, so the full regalia was out in honor of him. They lined the streets, the steps, the aisle of the church as the casket went up, and then went down. The mass was beautiful in the scriptures chosen, the memories shared, in the feelings, in learning more about this boy whom I only encountered briefly. It was maddeningly sorrowful, my grief on behalf of the parents so overwhelming, I cannot fathom how the parents and the older sister are coping. And the friends and students. So many tears. So much sorrow. And a little bit of laughter thrown in as his teachers and friends gave eulogies, bringing all of us closer to the boy who was becoming quite a man.

And now, back home, we are each reflecting on this morning in our own ways. And I vow that Carl's death will not be for nothing - that his accomplishments, his faith, his love will live on and will encourage me to ask more of myself and more of my children. To love easier. To hate not at all. To appreciate all the people who come into our lives, before it is too late to do so.