So what is the breaking point of a lawyer/mother/wife who has asked for help 6,248,972 times at work and receives none?
*How many times can they promise me an associate, promptly renege on that promise and yet I still continue to show up?
*Factor in the "negative" comment on my evaluation "you are working too hard."
*factor in the missed family events: missed father's day weekend, missed 4th of July, missed 2 of 3 sailing days, missing the camping/wakeboarding trip this weekend (well, missing camping has a separate factor in the equation because I tolerate camping, I don't actually like it. It is but a means to an end for wakeboarding).
*factor in the stress of a house that is a dirty mess, having already surpassed the allowed variable of "just let it go I'll clean it tomorrow" where tomorrow has become "next month."
*subtract job satisfaction where the sum total of the above surpasses any "joy" received
*eliminate the "take this job and shove it" option wherein tuition is due next week
*add to the equation, however the support of a family who has picked up more than their fair share of the slack at home, which is, however, somewhat negated by their rising annoyance with the ever-absent mother/wife
Trying to take a page from my cousin's book of "give it to God" and perhaps I do have an answer. Opportunity has knocked elsewhere, and I have taken a look out the peephole. Sometimes, however, the grass is greener so I am treading hesitantly. But every day it sure looks better and better over at the neighbor's house...
Sigh. Meanwhile a blog is a good place to rant. Back to work....
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5 comments:
There was another recent spurt of working women articles that included part time work. Apparently those of us working part time are less satisfied than full-time and non-working women. I know that I feel like I'm on a rack sometimes, suspended between full-time and no-time work. Work would like more hours, and the kids would like it to be the way it was.
Hang in there!
And keep in mind that life is hard enough without us making it harder for ourselves because we wish it were something different. It is what it is, and it's up to us to figure out what we can change by our actions and what we can't.
Wow - you struck a chord there with the last "it is what it is." I have been battling life "the way it is" a lot lately and wishing it were something different. There's so much I can't change, and I'm trying to let that part of life "happen." The parts that I can change, well, I'm exploring those options slowly.
Thanks for the support. I don't know how you get it all done. You spend an amazing amount of time with your girls and seem to accomplish a whole lot. I haven't seen much at all of my kids this summer. of course, they've been away for much of it anyway!
Well, your kids are older and more able to define themselves outside the family (and so less family-centered). My oldest is just getting to the point of middle school and the turning outward that will entail. AFA the younger two are concerned, it's still cool to do everything with mom and dad, though friends are welcome to join in. That's what I get for having kids evenly spaced through my mid 30s...
A couple of years ago (2 to be exact, so hmmmm, maybe it's a 40-ish thing?), I wrote this:
So we can only ask, "This moment is now and it's all I have. What should I do with it to make it the best now I can?" Or, when practical, pragmatic, optimistic me is being less wordy, "We're here. It's now. What's next?" Because whatever the next moment is, it'll be now and yet it will be different, with the differences mostly out of my control (though it's easy to suffer from the delusion that I totally determine the next moment, because the illusion of control is comforting). The only thing certain is change. And I count on that and fear it at the same time.
and
There is a plan. Each of us walks a path, some parts smooth, some bumpy, some well-rutted, some barely discernible, some backtracking and twisting and switching back, some sections ours to set and some set for us. And we do the best we can with the circumstances we're blessed with. The path's destination and length is unknown to us, even if we think we see the whole path, the whole plan. People are with us on our journeys, and yet each of us has our own path, our own roller coaster rides, and our own supply kits to bring with us and hold the tools and detritus we pick up along the way. The universe is oriented toward entropy, and yet toward self-correction, and it was so long before I arrived and will be long after my children are gone and forgotten.
in my blog. It's kind of my life philosophy. I'm not sure the direct post link will get you to the whole entry, but the whole entry is August 2005, then scroll down to the August 5th entry.
Keep on keepin' on, and I hope your path becomes clearer and more peaceful again soon! Because when you round a corner and suddenly you're expected to free-climb a cliff to get to the smooth level section, it's not hard to say "What the heck was I thinking??"
Sheesh, that was an epic comment, eh?
Just remember, YLPMV, AMWPBL *
(Your Life Philosophy May Vary, Actual Mileage Will Probably Be Less)
Laughed out loud at the "your mileage may be less." Totally hilarious. I keep telling a friend of mine, who insists he is not that bright, that wit and wisdom go hand in hand. He is one of the funniest people I know, and therefore must be bright. And you are a shining example of the two together. Thanks for the encouragement!
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