Self indulgences

Some say moms aren't entitled to self indugences. Some think there's just no time for such things, and that "mom time" comes when the kids are gone. Some think any self indulgence at any age is, well, selfish, and shouldn't be done.



Bah humbug



Me, I took the plunge. For many years, there has been something about me I haven't liked. Nothing anyone but me might notice. Nothing of life or death significance. But, vanity or what you want to call it, it mattered to me. And darn it, I wanted to change it.



10 years ago, I made an appointment to change it, with K's approval. But I found out that recovery was longer than expected, and I just couldn't do it with 2 4-year-olds underfoot. So I canned it.



Fast forward 10 years. Not happy with my self still. OK and successful in many ways - awesome kids, great career, wonderful family. But every morning I looked in the mirror and saw, well, a piece of me that made me say "yuck." Nothing that could be changed with diet, exercise, makeup. Nothing truly life shattering, but, well, yuck.



So, says me to myself, why the whaaa-waaaing all these years?? Change it!!



K says, "Hey you're fine the way you are - to me - but if this bothers you, then change it."



So, last Monday, I did. No, I'm not going to tell you what I did. Because it doesn't really matter and that's not the point of this meandering post. If you see me in person, you might notice, or you might not. Depends on what I'm wearing and how well you know me.



But I have to tell you. I am so happy. Yes, I'm in temporary pain. Yes, I'm in slight debt over it. Yes, I missed a whole week of work. Yes, there was a minor risk to it. But I love looking in the mirror. I love the new me. Was I a bad person before??? No. Was I Ugly before? Most tell me no. But I don't care about before anymore. Because now I am AFTER.



And After is good.



Why post this?? Because I am happy. Because I feel good about what I did. For Me. Because being a mom and a wife doesn't mean that M.E. no longer exists. And M.E being happy about M.E. is ok. I didn't used to think so. But some time in the recent past, I decided that M.E. being happy about M.E. did matter. Did I wrestle with "what would God think about altering his creation?" Sure. But hey life and twins altered his creation, too. And did I wonder and wrestle with "what if people do notice and they pass judgment and say how selfish/silly/foolish that was" how I would handle it? Yeah, but like I said, I did this for me. I'm the only one who has to face me in the mirror every day, and I decided if I would be happier looking at a slightly altered me, then to heck with anyone who says I shouldn't be so worried/vain/silly.



So for any of you wondering out there, contemplating doing something for YOU - whether it's physical or emotional or whatever - and wondering "Should I?" I say, "No shame." Life is a series of alterations and contemplations and changes and challenges. Roll with it. and sometimes, if the opportunity presents itself, and it really is possible, Just Do it.